Creating Personal Boundaries

What is a Personal Boundary?

We often think of boundaries as someone doing something we don't like and us telling them that they shouldn't. That is more of a request or ultimatum. Setting a boundary is not something we impose on another. Setting a personal boundary is something we do for ourselves.

There are many types of personal boundaries. We establish boundaries to protect ourselves from physical or emotional harm and to protect our time, finances, and personal property.

A common misunderstanding is that we set boundaries to get another person to change their behavior. When we request that someone do or not do a particular thing, they very well may change. However, the purpose of a boundary is not to get another to change but for us to establish how we want to be treated and respected.

How to Set a Personal Boundary

Establishing a personal boundary is like this: If you do (fill in the blank), I will do (fill in the blank). Notice that we are not expecting or demanding that another take action. We are the ones who must follow through on the boundary.

Some examples: If you yell at me, I will respond calmly and leave the room. If you gossip about another to me, I will change the subject or end the conversation. If you hit me, I will call the police. If you contact me outside of work hours, I will not take your call. Notice that in each of the examples, we are the ones responsible for taking action.

Not all boundaries need to be communicated. In the examples above, the person crossing the boundary may be a stranger, so you would take action without explaining that they are crossing your boundary.

On the other hand, if your partner yells at you, explaining your boundaries would benefit your relationship and possibly lead to them changing their behavior.

If you want help understanding and creating personal boundaries, reach out for a free 30-minute coaching session.