What’s Wrong with Me?
What’s wrong with me?
The answer is that we are asking the wrong question.
We often think something is wrong with us when we feel negative emotions. Perhaps we are feeling lonely and unmotivated. Sometimes, we repeat an unwanted behavior and believe something is wrong with us.
If we ask ourselves what’s wrong with us, our brains will search to answer the question. You’re boring, lazy, and unattractive. You have no discipline or self-control. That doesn’t mean these things are true; it’s just the answer to the question.
“Quality questions create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” – Tony Robbins
When we ask ourselves a question, our brain quickly searches for an answer. But, unfortunately, asking a question like, "What's wrong with me?" produces a list of negative responses.
Asking ourselves good quality questions is critical to finding the answers to help us grow, improve, and reach our goals. When we ask ourselves the right questions, we can gain insight into our thoughts, beliefs, and motivations and use that information to make positive life changes. But what makes a question "right"?
The best questions are those that help us focus on what's important and relevant. So here are a few tips for asking yourself better questions:
Focus on what you want: When we ask ourselves questions like "Why am I always so stressed?" or "Why can't I ever seem to get ahead?" we focus on the negatives. Instead, try to reframe the question in a way that focuses on what you do want. For example, "What can I do to manage my stress more effectively?" or "What steps can I take to reach my goals?"
Avoid "why" questions: "Why" questions can be challenging to answer and often lead to feelings of guilt, blame, or frustration. Instead, try asking "what" or "how" questions, which are more likely to lead to actionable answers. For example, instead of "Why did I make that mistake?" ask, "What can I learn from this experience?"
Be specific: When we ask general questions like "What do I want in life?" it can be challenging to find a particular answer. Instead, ask more specific questions like "What are my top priorities for the next six months?" or "What would make me feel fulfilled in my career?"
Look for patterns: Pay attention to the questions you ask yourself repeatedly. These questions often reflect your deepest concerns and priorities. By examining these patterns, you can gain insight into what's important to you and what changes you want to make.
Asking yourself better questions is a simple yet powerful way to gain clarity and focus. By focusing on what you want, avoiding "why" questions, being specific, and looking for patterns, you can start asking yourself questions that produce feelings of success and well-being.
All of this is easier said than done. Working with a coach will help you identify the thoughts holding you back from creating your desired life. Start now with a free 30-minute session.