Life After Losing Your Partner
Losing Us
How do you reinvent yourself after the loss of your long-term partner? How do you rediscover your purpose? It doesn't matter if the loss is due to death or divorce; the transition from couple to single can be confusing.
I am not talking about the grieving process or the situation surrounding the result of the loss. I am talking about after that when you are ready to lift your head and look forward. How do you move forward, and what is your future life?
Losing Me
When you are coupled with someone for a long time, your identity gets intertwined with that person. It doesn't matter if you've retained your interests or separate friends; the core of your life's identity is as the partner to this person.
In my case, it was my husband. We met when I was 20, and I lost him when I was 56. So we were together for 36 years, more than half of my life. It makes sense that my world revolved around him.
Life Didn't Go As Planned
My husband and I often talked about what we would do after the kids were on their own, and it was just the two of us. Downsize our home? Travel? The considerations that go into those decisions look different when you make them alone.
I did not have a perfect marriage. That should be obvious because no one does. I say that because I couldn't imagine my life without him, even when times were difficult between us.
Journey to Self-Discovery
Now what? Everyone is different, and there are no right or wrong ways to move forward after losing your partner. I'm sharing my experience because it helps me understand myself and may help someone else.
"They," say, don't make significant decisions for the first year. So, I took care of the day-to-day things around the house. I told myself that I did not have to make any decisions. Specifically, I thought, "I'm getting ready to be ready."
While that may sound insignificant, it was huge for me. Our thoughts create our feelings, and our emotions fuel our actions. Thinking that I was getting ready to be ready for something, even though I didn't know what that thing was, was such a relief for me. That thought allowed me the space to not only grieve the loss of my husband but to take a step forward without him.
I did not do anything for the first three years, but I knew in my heart that I was getting ready to be ready. So, I allowed myself the time to reimagine my life alone. Then, finally, I decided that I was prepared to sell the house where we had raised our family for 27 years.
Discovering Me
After I decided to sell my house, I still needed to figure out the next step. And I had another thought that carried me through the following months. This thought came from a bible verse, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped" (Psalm 28:7a).
I would say this repeatedly throughout my day, and it bolstered me. It helped me feel like I was not alone and could make decisions confidently. It has been nine months since I sold my house and nearly all my belongings.
Then, I bought a camper and moved 3000 miles across the country. If that sounds adventurous and brave, it was. But I was determined to believe in myself and decide what I wanted for my next chapter of life. I'm living a life that I had never imagined. I'm experiencing new things and continuing to rediscover myself. It's a daily process of managing my mind and deciding how I want to feel.
What's Next?
Most importantly, I've learned that we create our lives with our thinking. We cannot control the world or the people in our lives, but we can control our thoughts.
Our thoughts generate our feelings, fueling our actions to create our experiences. That's how it works - for everyone. We can live our lives through default thinking, which most of us do. Or we can create our lives with intentional thinking.
Whether you are navigating life after losing your partner or would like help changing how you are experiencing your life, I can help.
Schedule a complimentary 30-minute mini-session. I can't wait to help you begin your journey of self-discovery.